Undergrounded, Rennywille

Transcript
[Rennywille Elementary, day, Fourth Grade class. The bell rings and Miss. Fatison enters with a bunch of papers.]

Fatison: Okay kids, I have the pop quiz’s scores. [Looks at the paper] Okay, Alice gets 89.5 which is B.

Alice: Yay! [Waves]

Fatison: Hmm, [Reads paper] Sam you get an A!

Sam: YES! WOHOO! FINAFUCKINGLY! [Jumps up]

Fatison: [Puts down the paper on the desk] what did you just say?

Sam: Uhh… Potato chips? [Stares at Miss Fatison worried]

Fatison: Mhmm… Okay so, Mandy gets C.

Mandy: Sweet! [Giggles]

[Harry’s house at the afternoon, Harry is sitting and staring at the paper, Dima is playing on his “iPhone”. Luke and Rodney are looking at Dima’s iPhone. while Sam is spying on someone outside.]

Harry: Dude, I cannot believe I got F in Math test.

Luke: Aww I feel really sorry for you dude. [Sad face]

Harry: I am freaking scared. [Creeps out]

Dima: Calm your tits Harry, It’s just a test. Plus you’ve should have tried a lot more bitch, I’ve got A.

Harry: Well, yes but when my mom is going to find out that, she’s going to ground me for months. Just like last time. [Lays over the chair]

Sam: [Reverses and laughs] LMAO Sorry dude but your mom is a total-

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: [Interrupts Sam] I know she is, you don’t have to say it.

<p class="MsoNormal">Rodney: My mom never grounded me.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Well it’s because you don’t even have a room. Oh and a door. Haha. [Laughs]

<p class="MsoNormal">Rodney: Hey I am not that poor. [Looks at Dima angrily]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Oh would you look at the time. I have to go. My guitar lessons starts in five minutes.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Oh, okay. [Sam gets out of the room and closes the door]

<p class="MsoNormal">…

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Yeah I’ve got highscore! Lick my ass last highscore!

<p class="MsoNormal">[Later at Harry’s house and room again. Harry is looking from a window. Suddenly car arrives near Harry’s house.]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Oh fuck! My mom’s already back from work?

<p class="MsoNormal">[Harry’s mom, Lisa opens the car door and comes out. She sees a car and man near that car, near her house.]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Excuse me. Is this car yours?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: Why?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: It's outside my house. I don't want it in here.

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: Why not?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: I want to have my car outside my house. Can you please drive the car away?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: No, I am sorry. I can't.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: You can't?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: No.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: I don't understand. Can't you drive?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: Of course I can drive.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Then why can't you drive the car away?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: I don't have car keys.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: You don't have the keys? But it's your car.

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: No it isn't mine.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: It isn’t yours? then whose is it?

<p class="MsoNormal">Man: I don't know. Oh, here's my bus. Bye!

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Bitch. Then who’s car is this? [She looks left and right then she   breaks the window of that car opens the door, sits in and takes car away. She comes back and takes her car outside the house. Then Lisa opens the house door and goes in]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Harry I am back!... Harry…? [Puts down the supplies] HARRY!

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: [Thinking: Oh my gosh, what am I gonna tell her? Should I lie? NO NO! No lies. If I lie then she will ground me, for YEARS! Oh crap what the fuck am I going to do?]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Harry, Harry? [Lisa opens Harry’s room] There you are, why didn’t you answer?

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Uhh… Umm… Mom, may I tell you something, which might piss you off? But can you please do not piss off. [Asks worriedly]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Ahh, sure my soney! I can be as calm and non-pissed than you have ev- [Scene quickly changes. Lisa is holding a Harry’s test paper] HOW COULD YOU FUCKING GET F IN MATH TEST AGAIN YOU ASSHOLE? DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT YOU NEEDED TO PRACTICE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT?

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: But mom, I practiced. [Tells while crying]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: You mother fucker, you cannot lie to me!

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: But mom.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: NO MORE BUTS HARRY! [Tries to calm herself down] I’m sorry Harry, I never wanted to repeat this shit but, You leave me no choice, Harry, you’re GROUNDED! 'GROUNDED GROUNDED. '[Harry makes a super creeped out face near the camera and continues hearing the word “GROUNDED”]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

<p class="MsoNormal">[At Sam’s house at night. Sam is laying on a bed. Then he dials numbers on his “Samsung Galaxy”. He takes his phone to the ear. Harry answers the phone.]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Hey dude! [From phone]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Hey Harry, what’s up?

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: My bitchy mom grounded me again. This time for a year!

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: For a year? That’s   totally not fair.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: I know, I know. I guess I am going to commit a suicide. Because one year is going to take forever, and without you guys I am boring.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Don’t do that dude, we can still hang-out in a so-called hell, school.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Actually, my mom is sending me in a military school. Because she thinks that I cannot learn anything in regular school.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Oh my fucking god. That’s terrible.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Well dude, I guess this is our last dialogue. I will commit suicide tomorrow.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: No Harry, do not do that! I’ll do everything to save your ass.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Don’t you mean butt? [Says surprisingly and awkwardly]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Yes I meant the butt. I’ll do everything to save your butt!

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: There’s nothing you can do dude! My mom is such a whore. There’s no way she’s going to let me go free.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Ugh, just give me three days okay?

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Okay. [Shuts down his phone]

<p class="MsoNormal">[Next morning, at Harry’s house]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Harry, I am going on a holiday in a Hawaii.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: OMG THAT’S SO AMAZING! Am I coming too?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: No, you are grounded! You can’t go anywhere.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: But, wait, does that mean I am staying in home alone? Without food?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: No, I called a babysitter. I’ll pay her 700$ every month.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Wait, Babysitter? Seriously? I am nine. [Stares at mom angrily and stands closer to his mom]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Get the fuck out and clean your fucking clothes you moron. Oh babysitter will be here in any minute. [Suddenly a knock-knock sound comes from a door] she’s here! [Lisa opens the door and in a “Dun dun duuuuuun!” song a scary looking girl comes in with an evil smile]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry:   [Gulps and stares at babysitter worried]

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: Who do you think you’re staring at, you little crap! [Harry sees a skull in her eyes and once again Harry gulps]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Okay, I am going to go. Hope you guys have a perfect time! I’ll come back in two weeks. Bye guys. [Lisa takes her bags, opens the door and goes out]

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: [Stares at Harry] Give me a massage!

<p class="MsoNormal">[Meanwhile at Rennywille elementary, Miss Fatison is reading the papers again]

<p class="MsoNormal">Fatison: Hmm… [Suddenly she gasps]   I knew it!

<p class="MsoNormal">[At superlative holidays and vacation place]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Hmm, where the heck can I book a holiday?

<p class="MsoNormal">Someone: Right over there ma’m.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Oh why thank you…

<p class="MsoNormal">Someone: …

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Now get the fuck out! [Someone gets the fucks out and Lisa goes in “right over there”]

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: Good morning. How can I help you? [Puts pen down]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Yes, please. I want to go in Hawaii. How much does is it?

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: 700$.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: What the heck? I just spen- Nevermind. I just want to book a holiday.

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: What kind of holiday? the coldest, the most dangerous, the most exciting?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: What's the most exciting holiday?

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: Two weeks skydiving.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Isn't that the most dangerous?

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: No, the most dangerous is skydiving in sea full of sharks.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Oh... [One eyebrow is up and one is down on Lisa’s face]

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: What about coldest holiday? You stay in an igloo in the Arctic.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: But I like warm weather.

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: OK, what about the hottest holiday? You ride a camel across the desert.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: No, that's too hot. What else is there?

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: Let's see. There's the longest holiday. Trip to mars!

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: But I only have two weeks. And I don't have a lot of money.

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: Then I think the best thing for you is the cheapest holiday.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: What's that?

<p class="MsoNormal">Travel Agent: You stay at home bitch!

<p class="MsoNormal">[At Harry’s house again. Harry is watching his favorite TV show, “Fooling People With Bob Jensen”]

<p class="MsoNormal">Bob: [Sitting on a huge stage] Welcome back to another episode of Fooling People! [Viewers clap] In this fooling episode, we’re going to annoy Angelina Jollie! [Even more people clap while Angelina Jollie comes in the stage and sits next to Bob]

<p class="MsoNormal">Angelina: Hey there.

<p class="MsoNormal">Bob: Hello slut, how’s your bitchy day?

<p class="MsoNormal">Angelina: Bob you’re not annoying! [Laughs]

<p class="MsoNormal">Bob: Yes but at least I don’t have a cancer! [Laughs back]

<p class="MsoNormal">Angelina: So what? Still not annoyied. [Says happily]

<p class="MsoNormal">Bob: Well I am a man, and even I have bigger boobs than you. [Laughs]

<p class="MsoNormal">Angelina: What makes you think that I have small boobs?

<p class="MsoNormal">Bob: Oops sorry, you don’t even have boobs. YOU REMOVED THEM WHILE HAVING A CANCER! [Laughs heavily]

<p class="MsoNormal">Angelina: Ughh you bit- [Suddenly TV shuts down]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Hey why did you shut down the TV?

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: Enough TV you vormit, Go to sleep. I have to watch Survivor.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: But, I wanted to watch the full episode of Fooling People.

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: GO TO BEDROOM OR I’LL MAKE A SHOW CALLED MURDERING PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE! [Screams loudly]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: [Crying] Okay okay okay okay! [Goes upstairs]

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: Uh finally, I get to watch some porn videos on porn channel.

<p class="MsoNormal">[Next day at the Rennywille elementary, bathroom]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Dude, we gotta do something. [Hands up in the air]

<p class="MsoNormal">Luke: Well I agree with you! [Shakes head, up and down] We need to think of something before Harry commits a suicide.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Well I personally don’t care about him. [Says and closes eyes]

<p class="MsoNormal">Rodney: But he’s our friend!

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Yes but Harry’s been a bitch sometimes to me.

<p class="MsoNormal">Luke: Dima, we have all been bitch to each other. But we shall not give up our friendship just because one day we fought. [Points up]

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Yeah, yeah, words of wisdomy! I’ll help you alright.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex: What’s the problem guys? [Alex comes in a bathroom]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Our friend Harry, wait do you know who Harry is? [One eyebrow up one down]

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex: Yes I know him, guy with blond and curly hair! He’s actually really cute. What’s wrong with him?

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: Well, he’s grounded for year for getting F in Math test. Her mom also is going to send him in Military school so he won’t see us ever again. But the worst problem is, [Sighs heavily] he’s going to commit a suicide day after tomorrow.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex: What? Suicide? What does grounding has to do with suicide? Is he crazy or something? [Creeps out]

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: I don’t know but he’s really pissed off and doesn’t wants to live ever again. [Sam’s phone rings.] Excuse me. [Answers the phone] Yes? Oh Harry god bless you! Are you alright?... Yes? Okay? WHAT? Why would you need a babysitter? Uh oh… Alrighty.. Cya! [Shuts down the phone]. It was Harry.

<p class="MsoNormal">Rodney: For the god sakes, what did he say?

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: He said his mom went on a vacation for a holiday in Hawaii.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: So that means he’s alone? So he can come out and hang-out with us.

<p class="MsoNormal">Sam: No dude, that’s what I was happy about too, but then he said that her mom called a babysitter to come home and babysit Harry while she was gone. And it turned out that babysitter is a total motherfucking slutty asshole bitch girl who likes to tease kids.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex: God damn, he’s got problems!

<p class="MsoNormal">Luke: Oh my god, what are we going to do? [Screams and cries]

<p class="MsoNormal">Rodney: I don’t want my friend to be in a huge trouble. We gotta do something RIGHT NOW!

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex: There’s no way we can help him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dima: Guys, there’s only one way we can save him. [Everyone shuts up and looks at Dima] We have to tell Harry to kill the babysitter. [Silence]

<p class="MsoNormal">[At principal Dom’s office. Miss Fatison knocks on the door.]

<p class="MsoNormal">Dom: Come in. [Fatison opens the door and comes in]

<p class="MsoNormal">Fatison: Principal Dom, how are you? [Smiles]

<p class="MsoNormal">Dom: Oh why I am fine, what about you ma’m.

<p class="MsoNormal">Fatison: I am fine too. [Giggles] Anyways two days ago I made a huge mistake.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dom: Uh? Mistake? Hmm…

<p class="MsoNormal">Fatison: At the Math test, I don’t know why but I changed papers of Harry Milton and Dima Nartman. Harry’s score was going to be A, but since I’ve changed papers Harry’s score was F. And Dima’s was A, but actually Dima’s score was going to be F. So may I tell those two kids parents that I made a huge mistake which will never happen again?

<p class="MsoNormal">Dom: Sure.

<p class="MsoNormal">Fatison: Thank you Dom, you are the best principal this school could ever have! [Gets out and shuts the door]

<p class="MsoNormal">[At Harry’s house. Harry is eating a pizza while Babysitter is watching TV. Harry’s phone rings, Harry answers]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Yes who is it? What? Really? But what if-? Okay, Perfect idea! [Devil’s smile] Hey Miss Babysitty, may I clean those dishes?

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: Fuck you.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: That’ll be yes for me. [Harry takes the knife and throws at Babysitter]

<p class="MsoNormal">Babysitter: Ahh, oh, eugh. [Dies. Harry takes the dead body in the toilet and closes the toilet door.]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: HAHA I AM FREE! I AM FREE! TAKE THAT BABYFUCKER! AHAHAHHA! Well at least I am free for two weeks. What should I do first? Buy some chocolate? Have a party? Play computer all day? OMFG I AM SO EXICTIED! [Doorbell rings] Oh huh? Who needs me now? [Harry opens the door and gasps] YOU!? You should be gone for two weeks!

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Yes Harry it’s me. I couldn’t go to the Hawaii because for some stupid problems. But now that I am back. I missed you so much   and Miss Fatison told me that there was a mistake. You get an A and Dom gets F instead.

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Haha I want to see Dom’s face right now, wait does that mean you’re not grounding me anymore?

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Yes my soney!

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: YAY YAY! THANKS MOM! I LOVE YOU MOM [Hugs her mother]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Haha how sweet of you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to toilet or I might die. [Laughs]

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Yeah sure mom… TOILET? [Lisa tries to open the toilet door]

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Harry? Why is toilet closed? Anyways I don’t care just give me the keys before I pee my pants!

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: Uh, um, umm..

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: OH I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STUPIDNESS! [Breaks the door and sees the dead body of Babysitter and gasps] Harry? You killed babysitter?

<p class="MsoNormal">Harry: [Gulps] Well no, yes, no, well sort of.

<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa: Harry, you’re GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED! [Harry sighs heavily]

<p class="MsoNormal">______________________________________________________

<p class="MsoNormal">Evil Fatison: Hahaha! I am the evil Fatison! Yes I was the one who changed the papers! MUHAHAHAHA! [Then she changes back to normal] What the heck? What the heck am I doing in here?

<p class="MsoNormal">(THE END OF THE EPISODE)